sarah ruth

i survived the big goodbyes!  and i didn’t even cry, not one tear.  this past week j and i drove to vermont to spend some time with my side of the family and say our farewells before our big move to china.

the idea of such a long goodbye has plagued me since we received our official invitations to the peace corps.  will i see my grandfathers again?  will my parents take good care of themselves?  will my siblings be happy and continue to build awesome lives?

so far, the peace corps (which i haven’t even entered into yet, let’s just get that straight…) is about control.  lack thereof.  i can’t control my parents welfare, my siblings happiness.  i can’t do that, whether i’m five feet or five thousand miles away.  whether i’m sitting next to my mom on the couch or writing her an email from overseas, she’s going to be who she is just as i’ll be who i am.  and i have to let myself be okay with that.

i’ve been living away from my family for about a decade now, but i’ve never really let myself settle—always i feel as though i’m holding my breath.  and now it’s time to breathe out.

all the goodbyes i’d been dreading, with their tight hugs and plastered smiles, weren’t half as bad as i envisioned.  i thought i’d be a well of tears, a fountain of inconsolable grief.  

but something inside me said “SARAH RUTH, CUT THE CRAP.”  so i did.  i cut it!  i’ll miss my family terribly but i need to embrace the happy excitement like a well-adjusted kid on their first day of kindergarten.  no crying and clinging to mother’s skirt.

there’s still an odd lump of sadness hanging around inside me, like some nagging parasite.  i’m hoping it will dissolve and disappear, as my days get busier and busier in preparation for our departure at the end of the month.  

this past week i said goodbye to my two favorite collections—my spices and my nail polish.

neither of them would have been good after two years of sitting stagnant.  i’m glad my sisters-in-law will be getting good use out of them, but i’m still a teensy weensy bit sad about losing them.

the flight time/travel process from here to china is way longer than i had anticipated.  maybe i will be able to plow through all 3 1/2 remaining tomes in the ‘game of thrones’ series.

what else do you guys recommend in terms of books/movies/general entertainment? 

life has become something transitory and unfamiliar, even in my still-familiar surroundings.  our schedule is starting to get wonky as we try to fit in random shopping trips, visits with friends and all sorts of odd little tasks in preparation for our departure.

i’m starting to feel really ready, and am also really scared for the plane flight (yeah, i’m that kind of chicken.)  i’m not afraid of the cultural differences, or the lifestyle changes, or anything like that.  i’m scared of flying.  when did this happen?  i’ve flown before!  

i find myself getting inwardly sentimental—standing around bonfires with friends, realizing that this won’t be happening again for quite some time.  it really gives me a chance to reflect, though.  it’s taken me five years to feel so strongly about these people.  i love the friends i have, the life i’ve made for myself.  everyone reassures me, reminding me that two years will fly by.  and i know it will.  but i’ll be missing out on some major milestones—weddings, babies, bonfires and barbecues.  

can i cultivate such valuable friendships in china?  this will have to be one of my personal goals.  tomorrow marks one month until our departure!  i just want to scoop up all my loved ones and carry them with me.

the peace corps provides access to this awesome website that live-streams news programs from all over the world.  it’s so cool!

it’s like that feeling of being in a hotel room and switching on the television…the news is always so different, even from only a few states away.  

completing the chinese visa is nerve wracking.  it seems simple enough, but i am overthinking the vague parts.  the visa itself says to type answers, but the peace corps instructions say to write in black ink.  which is it?!  and what do i put for my current employer name/address/phone #?  the peace corps instructions state that the answers for that section of the visa are “self evident.”  no! wrong!

we’re gearing up and practicing our beginners’ mandarin, via lessons provided by the peace corps.  i’m learning the four tones.  things can be said in four different ways, thus providing completely different meanings.

MA

Maaaaaaa

Ma?

Maaaaah?

Ma!

we went to the immediate care center, and were both diagnosed with strep!  we’re stuck home from work today and tomorrow too, since we’ll still be contagious.

my throat is so swollen, my voice is almost gone…and my placement interview is in 3 hours!  ahhhh!!  i hope i can pull myself together for this.

our placement interview is tomorrow.  fingers crossed that we’ll find out whether this whole thing can become official, and whether we can truly say we’ll be receiving our invitations.

where will be going!?  now i am so hyped up on china.  i started watching this miniseries called ‘wild china’ on netflix, about the beautiful animals that inhabit this massive country.  unbelievable!  

peace corps pals who have already had your placement interviews, did they tell you on the phone if you were going to be officially invited?  

so we said yes, we are interested in going to asia at the end of june!  we weren’t given any real specifics…just that we’d be doing secondary/university english teaching.  

our placement officer is going to be calling us on monday afternoon, i guess for a final interview.  we had to adjust our work schedule in order to fit this in, and we’ll be doing some majorly long days for the rest of the week.  i’m pooped!  with all the mandatory overtime at work, life has gotten kind of frantic!  but i’m so excited.

it’s funny because last night all i felt was confusion and sadness.  i was planning on having the whole summer to be with pals and family.  and i was anticipating eastern europe.  i’ve been following all these eastern european blogs, reading up on eastern european politics.  and i might be totally on the wrong page!

ah, well.  it will be exciting to go anywhere.  there’s a new element to this whole process…it’s feeling more real.  

i’m thinking they’re going to tell us that they want us in china.  the shy part of me is already feeling afraid of being a tall, alien woman in a sea of shorter people.  i’ve read a few forums online talking about how people may ask very personal questions, or make comments that would be considered rude here.  while it just shows that they are taking an interest in you, i’m still feeling nervous about a conversation beginning “why are you so tall?  how come you haven’t had any babies yet?”

then i remind myself that it’s exactly like the water cooler talk from when i started working at my current job…!